Surrey Border Film & Video Makers

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether unemployed or not.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, do not worry which wire to cut you will always choose the correct one.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication system in any alien country.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible .... just slightly bluish.
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will the thrown through it before long.

If staying in a haunted house, women will investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say ‘ENTER PASSWORD NOW’.

If you start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman, but only to the waist on a man.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
If being chased through New York, you can usually take cover in a passing.

We need to design our films if we want to show them in public. We know this with our dramas and comedies, less so with holiday films. Families are remarkably long-suffering; their reaction is no guide as to whether a film’s OK.

Holiday films edited for the club or the competition should be nothing like the original footage.

* All holiday films are made from arbitrary, serendipitous footage, which mostly chance and propinquity let us shoot.

* Our unedited material won’t tell a story unless we plan our holiday as a careful movie exercise, a marriage-killer.

St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of year.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart at home.

When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note; just grab one and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, open the fridge door and use that light instead.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off- even while scuba diving.

Any lock can be picked by a paper clip or credit card in seconds - unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that you switch on.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one, dancing round in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors